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Marriages are hurting today because people are tired, distracted, and chasing the wrong reasons to love.
We live in a world where “me” is louder than “we,” where people scroll more than they speak, where couples sleep in the same bed but feel a hundred miles apart.
And it’s not because love is gone — love is still there, waiting — it’s because we’ve forgotten what love actually means.
We’ve turned it into a feeling instead of a decision.
We want to be served, admired, adored, pampered, and understood — but we rarely ask, how can I serve you today?
The truth is, the moment we expect to be served instead of choosing to serve, that’s when the cracks start to show.
Because love is not about comfort.
It’s not about how someone makes you feel good or fills your emptiness or gives you butterflies.
Feelings fade.
God I wish they didn’t but they do.
They always do.
The fire that burns in the early days — that giddy, heart-racing, can’t-stop-smiling kind of love — it’s not meant to last in the same form.
It’s supposed to evolve into something deeper, something more powerful, something that stands even when life gets ugly.
But we don’t like that part.
We want the fireworks forever, and when they fade, we think something’s wrong.
We start asking, “Did I marry the wrong person?” instead of asking, “How can I love them better?”
We compare our spouse to the best version of other people’s highlight reels, not realizing those people have the same quiet fights, cold dinners, and lonely nights too.
The truth is — and I say this without the pretense that I know everything — marriages are hurting because people have stopped serving each other. That seems to be the common thread in the conversations I’ve heard on the podcasts I’ve listened to.
We want to receive instead of give.
We want to be loved without doing the work of loving.
We wait for our partner to make the first move.
We keep score.
Resentment grows.
It becomes a competition between who gives in first.
And when we do that, we slowly build walls so high that even love can’t climb over them anymore.
I’m not a marriage expert but I do know a thing or two about teams and teamwork.
And what is a marriage if not a team of two who have shared goals with theintent to succeed as a pair.
So, I’ll just apply what I know after watching this short video and things I learned through podcasts about marriage. Because I want the best for mine so that we can finally succeed as a pair and have a better life together.
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1A61SLo9Lx
1. Stop Keeping Score.
Stop counting who did what, who tried harder, who said sorry first. Love is not accounting. The moment you start tracking who owes who, you stop serving. Do one thing today without expecting recognition — and let that silence be your reward.
If you really want to keep score, keep score of who does more for the other but let that score be an internal score. One treated as a personal achievemtn .
2. Listen Without Defending.
Sometimes your partner just needs to be heard.
Not fixed.
Not corrected.
Not argued with.
Just heard.
Sit down, look them in the eye, and listen until they finish speaking.
Even if you disagree, don’t interrupt.
You’ll be surprised how much healing happens when someone simply feels understood.
3. Do One Selfless Act Every Day.
Bring them coffee. Leave a note. Fold the laundry. Compliment them. Smile more. Acts of service don’t have to be grand. They just need to be consistent. The smallest effort repeated over time changes the atmosphere of a home.
4. Device Goals Together
Couples who share goals and work towards achieving them are more successful. Remember that two people make work easier, lighter.
5. Speak Without Sarcasm.
Words are like seeds. Plant enough negative ones and they’ll choke your marriage from the roots. Compliment more. Appreciate openly. Say “thank you” even for little things. – this is something I really have to work with because I can be very sarcastic.
6. Learn to Apologize Without “buts.”
“I’m sorry, but you also—” stops healing immediately. Just say, “I’m sorry.” Period.
7. Put Down Your Phone.
This might sound simple, but it’s huge.
Be fully present.
When your spouse talks, look at them, not your screen.
Your phone robs you of that time with them because you’re so fixated on something that doesn’t really matter. Social media, online games, these things don’t matter during family time because family time when it’s gone, is gone forever.
When you eat together, turn off notifications.
Love should never compete with a glowing screen.
8. Make serving a Daily Habit — Not a Once-in-a-while Grand Gesture.
Love is not proven by one big apology or one anniversary surprise. It’s proven by the daily little things that no one sees.
The quiet serving.
The patient listening.
The forgiving again and again.
Haaayyyy Naku Life…
I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on things after having a lot of late night heart-to-heart talks with my sister who was genuinely worried about my marriage. We already have one failed marriage in our family. I didn’t want to be the second one.
I wanted to be like my dad who managed to fulfill that “til death do us part” vow in his marriage with my mom.
It’s just so hard when there’s immaturity involved. And you can’t push a person to mature. They will mature intheir own time. They have their childhood traumas to deal with.
So I’ve decided to dig my heels in and serve more. In the hope that it will be noticed.
And to understand more.
And not argue because marriage isn’t about who’s right — it’s about who’s willing to serve first.
And yes, it’s hard.
Some days, I don’t feel like giving anything more. Some days, she doesn’t even notice the efforts I make from cooking breakfast to supper and forgoing sleep because I also work from 9PM to 6AM. – and there I go again, keeping score. Doesn’t matter, she doesn’t really read this blog anyway.
