As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. That means I earn commissions from my sponsored links or I make money when readers (you) purchase items through my links. Your purchase allows me to continue working as a stay-at-home dad who moonlights as a farmer and a musician. Needless to say, this post contains affiliate links.
In childhood, brothers and sisters are our first playmates and our first rivals.
From them, regardless of age difference or position in the family, we first begin to learn the necessary social qualities like tolerance, generosity, and loyalty that eventually affect relationships with friends, colleagues, and lovers.
That’s Jappy.
That’s exactly what he was to me.
My first real lesson in loyalty.
My youngest brother.
The one with the laugh you could hear from two houses away and the kind of energy that made rooms feel full just by walking in.
That exuberance of his… that pure, unfiltered love for life… not everyone apprecitated it.
Some people just didn’t like it.
I don’t know why.
Maybe it made them feel small.
And so I fought.
A lot.
More than I probably should have.
More than I care to admit to my son Lyle right now.
But you do what you do when it’s your little brother and people are after him.
A younger brother teaches you:
- Patience you didn’t know you had
- Protectiveness that becomes second nature
- Humility… because they always, eventually, catch up to you
- That your choices matter, because somebody younger is watching them
An older sibling sometimes becomes a caregiver to a younger brother or sister.
This can benefit both siblings, as the dynamic fosters a sense of responsibility and leadership in the older sibling, while providing a sense of security and support for the younger one.
That security and support part… I hope Jappy felt that.
I really do.
Sibling support and closeness were associated with reduced levels of loneliness and depression, as well as greater satisfaction later in life.
Siblings play a unique role in one another’s lives that simulates the companionship of parents as well as the influence and assistance of friends.
Siblings normally spend more time with each other during their childhood than they do with parents or anyone else.
And the youngest?
The youngest child may feel less capable and experienced, and may be more pampered by family members.
As a result, the youngest may develop social skills that will get other people to do things for them, thus contributing to their image as charming and popular.
Jappy.
He was charming and popular.
To a fault, honestly.
But that was always his gift.
And now I wonder… if we’d stayed closer as adults, would both of us have been happier? Probably… I don’t know…
More Than Just Brothers
We were raised to embody the teachings learned from being DeMolays.
Jappy… he was a DeMolay.
A devout one.
Way more than Earl and I ever were or could hope to be.
DeMolay is an international organization dedicated to preparing young men to lead successful, happy, and productive lives.
Basing its approach on timeless principles and practical, hands-on experience, DeMolay opens doors for young men aged 12 to 21 by developing civic awareness, personal responsibility, and leadership skills so vitally needed in society today.
Jappy lived those virtues.
Genuinely.
More than Earl and I ever embodied them… and we were both DeMolays too.
But Jappy was different.
He took it way more seriously.
He believed in it.
And looking back now, I think that’s part of what made him who he is.
DeMolays hold themselves to a higher moral standard, striving to constantly improve and be better each and every day.
DeMolay is a youth-led, adult-advised organization in which young men learn to plan, organize, and facilitate their own programs.
That’s him. That’s always been him.
I sometimes wish we could go back in time.
Just for one afternoon.
Me, Earl, Jappy, Ate Ting.
Young and stupid and loud and completely unaware of how lucky we were growing up the way we did.
Fighting, laughing, eating whatever was in the kitchen, not worrying about anything because we had our mom and dad to provide for us.
If you have siblings… don’t wait.
Don’t wait for the right time to call them, to say the thing you’ve been meaning to say, to just hang out like you used to.
Time does this thing where it looks infinite until suddenly it isn’t.
The Good Thing About Having SIblings
- They make you braver than you’d be alone
- You’re given someone to protect, which gives you purpose
- They teach you things about yourself you wouldn’t learn otherwise
- The memories you make together are genuinely irreplaceable
- Even in estrangement, the love doesn’t fully go away
The Hard Part About Having Siblings
- You will fight. Probably a lot. And some of those fights leave marks
- The gap between who you were as kids and who you are as adults can be disorienting
- Distance, physical or emotional, is harder to close the longer it stays open
- You can’t force the relationship to stay what it was
Happy Birthday, Jappy
42 is a good age.
A really good age, actually.
It’s the age where the noise starts to quiet down and you begin to know, really know, what matters. I hope this year brings you that.
Renewed maturity.
A clearer direction.
Happy birthday, Jap.
I fought a lot of guys for you.
And I’d do it all again.
